Ah, the season of Lent. I love it. It feels like a peaceful time of renewing and cleansing our spirit. It's a time of reflecting on who God is and what Jesus did for us on the cross. This Lent year has been especially special for me this year. My birthday was yesterday, the first day of Lent. I have been preparing for this season and really diving into scripture and prayer. My heart has been healing for some time now. It's been over a year since our miscarriage and it's been a year of amazing growth in Him and with Him. Gah, I love Him so much. I wish you could look into my heart and get a view of my love for Him. He's done so much in my pain. He's loved me in ways I couldn't even try and describe to you.
With all this love He gives me, I have still struggled with acceptance. I have struggled with a complete need of being accepted from friends, past co-workers, family and acceptance with even myself. Recently I have been able to spend so much time with Him and I have realized this downfall I have. Believe it or not, I had no idea I struggled with such nonsense as needing to FEEL accepted. I emphasize the word "feel" because no matter how we "feel", we ARE accepted!! God accepts us and we have to replace truth with lies when it comes to our feelings.
This Lent season, I am letting go of the need to be accepted and just living my life for Him and His love! The past few days I have made peace with the fact that not everybody will love me, like me, accept me, forgive me or even tolerate me. It's just a fact. We will never ever please everybody so it's time to appreciate and fully focus on HIS acceptance of me. Wow, y'all!! HE loves ME. HE likes ME. HE accepts ME. HE forgives ME. And HE even tolerates ME. I am the apple of His eye and if His eye is the only one I will ever be the apple of, I'm SO BLESSED!
Cleansing in this area is tough. It's one I've been praying about for days and even weeks now. There are lots of changes that comes with this type of cleansing. Lots of relationships that must shift because of the amount of idolatry I placed their acceptance at. Yes, you read that right. Idolatry. I realized that I idolized certain people's acceptance; just waiting on it, praying on it, hoping for it and then sadly being pained when the rejection came. God does not want me to live that way. He needs me to be me and to walk in the fullness of His love no matter who in this world rejects me. He suffered from rejection and died on the cross so that I wouldn't be rejected. Other's hate will never ever matter or make a difference in His purpose and calling on my life. The truth is y'all, we are made by Him, for Him and in His image.
So cleansing is taking place in my life this season. I'm not quite sure what that looks like yet but I know He will tell me when it's time. He will guide me and I will be obedient. Thank You Jesus for all that you have done for us. My heart is completely full and at peace because of You.