A few days ago I got my reminder in the male for my one year mammogram. I can’t begin to tell you the different emotions that went through me as I read this letter.
August 15, 2016 was a HUGE day for me. I had been having so many health issues due to an ovarian cyst that ruptured on July 5, 2016. July 5th started my journey of different doctor’s offices and tests that would bring me to a place of hopelessness and depression. During those weeks, my doctor found a mass on my left breast. After this finding, she made an appointment for a sonogram on my breast. The morning of the sonogram, my husband and I quietly got dressed. I was filled with so much anxiety and fear. I felt sick to my stomach and had so many questions going on in my head. How would this effect our lives? Would my husband be okay? How would I tell my mom? How could we afford cancer? What would this mean for our dreams, family and finances? So many different scenarios played on in my mind! It was such a scary morning. The drive there was quiet as well as we were both lost in our own thoughts and emotions. My loving husband held my hand the whole time and kept gently telling me that we would be okay but I could see the fear in his eyes as well. It was a morning of uncertainty but I knew he was right, we would be okay. No matter what the outcome, we would be okay.
I remember feeling so much anxiety as we sat in the room waiting for results. My stomach was in knots and my eyes kept filling with tears holding on for dear life. My heart ached at the thought of that kind of heart wrenching illness to touch our lives. When she finally came back to the room, I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I couldn’t believe my ears when she said, “We didn’t see anything. We could see some scarring of where a cyst possibly was but thankfully, you are good! We just need to keep an eye out from now on and will need to see you yearly.” What a relief! I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again.
I think about that day today and it reminds me of how faithful God is. Last year was a season of loss, pain, sickness and exhaustion. August 15, 2016 was the day we started to slowly see things coming back together. We started to see Him rebuild and restore our hearts and lives. I felt closer to Him more than ever. Last year was both the worst and greatest year of my life. It was filled with valleys and hardships while at the same time filled with His love and glory. I wouldn’t change any of it for anything! It was a year of bringing a husband and wife closer than ever and a year that brought us to our knees in both surrender and praise!
Tomorrow I will call to set up my yearly exam and as I do this, I will be reminded of the day that God placed hope back into my life.
“But you, LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.” Psalm 3:3
If you are going through a season of confusion, sadness or heartache please remember that He is with you. Even if it feels like He isn’t, I promise you that He is! He has you in the palm of His hand watching over you. Be patient, hold on, lean into Him and allow Him to lift your head high.